End in sight???

I spent 7 hours on Wednesday in the ER, due to cramping and pain. I was concerned my tube had ruptured. They gave my wonderful morphine (yummy) twice and an ultrasound. The tube still looked intact and we are happy that the HCG number came down to 1120. I was suprised to learn that at it's highest, it was 2950 or so. We were waiting for Dr Hess to get out of surgery and see me. That is what took forever, but he finally came and said we can keep waiting it out and testing the HCG or we can do surgery. Every time he mentions surgery, the phrase "take out the tube" always comes up. I DON"T WANT TO LOSE MY TUBE!! How clear do I have to make this to every friend and family member who is appalled that I haven't had surgery yet. As long as the number keeps coming down, I will keep playing the waiting game.
I have had a few more real rough pain times since then. When the pain hits, I have about 20 minutes before it is overwhelming and all consuming. I managed to get the kids up and dressed and drove the 10 minutes to my parents house saturday morning, before I was able to take the vicoden and stomache muscle relaxer. It knocks me out for a few hours, but that is the only relief. I had another spell at 3 in the morning last night. Wowza. At least when you are in labor, you are going to receive "something" at the end that makes it all worth it. I am trying to keep that philosophy in mind with this pain, it must be helping and trying to clear out my tube, I'm hoping.
We are now concerned with the effect this is having on my hemaglobin. Those numbers are dropping and we are now monitering them too. I think it is from all the blood I am losing and having drawn. When those numbers go low, you are anemic, I think. That number was 12 and is now 10.2 I was made to have it tested again yesterday and it hadn't changed then and I need to go in again on Monday. My Dr. has given me his pager number and has told me at the end of every visit that his number is in the book, if I need anything. I like that.
Anyhow, I hope all this is pointing to an end in sight

Hockey music

I could hear Gwendolyn over at her little Fisher Price kind of piano the other day, singing away. She finally asks me to sing the hockey song with her. I start paying a little more attention to the words coming out of her mouth. By golly she is attempting the Star Spangle Banner!! That is a heck of a song for a trained professional and she wants to belt it out at 3. She is doing a mighty fine job of it, with some correct word and lots of correct pitch. When she gets to the end of her song she states "now sit down and watch hockey" OMG, LOL!!
We have since practiced the song many more times and I am sure to hear her "help" the professional singer prior to all the College games this winter.
She spent the day yesterday with my parents, fishing on Quartz lake. She did quite well and caught many silver salmons that are stocked into the lake.



Even drove the boat

Preschool followup

Getting ready to leave to school

Goofy girl, with her new Tinkerbell backpack and lunch box :)

So tired looking at the end of her first day of school. You can even see a little bit of her shiner under her right eye. She ran into the table on the ferry boat on vacation.

She did great at school. The teacher said they are working with her on stopping what she is doing when they say her name. Yep, good luck with that. Just kidding, I am sure she will do better with them than at home. She even took her nap, without her pacifier. Amazing, I tell you. I was quite proud of her. The teacher did say that after nap she went potty and came out holding her crotch and saying it hurt to pee. And kept complaining about it. So I was slightly concerned that her was groped at school, but mainly concerned that she had a UTI. I got her in that afternoon and turns out she just needs to wipe better, she was a little irritated. I did ask to make sure they are monitered while napping and was affirmed that there are two teachers and shown where the little individual cots are set out. They are kinda cute little things. She was very excited to be going back today and Daddy will pick her up. I think they are making something for fathers day, so I am kinda bummed that he will see it before Sunday, but I am sure he will love it anyway.

I was home with Owen on Monday for pink eye and again yesterday for a fever and overall cold. He was so miserable all night. I put a humidifier in his room last night and he seemed to cough less. I happened to read through the pharmacy info on the shot I took last week "Your immune system will be depleted, avoid those will illness". Yeah right, I'm so screwed. On that note, my HCG number rose to 2600, which was way higher than I expected it to go. Dr Hess doesn't seem too concerned and mentioned wanting it to come down 15-20% by my next blood draw on Friday and potentially another shot. So, I am still hoping and praying for a good ending.

I almost cried...

But held it together. I just dropped Gwendolyn off for her first day of pre-school. She will be going 2 days a week. We had visited before vacation and she jumped right in and had a ball. Today was no different. I had to drag her back out to see her cubby hole with her lunch box and blankie. She could care less about me, she was *at school*!!! She has been so excited to go and the only thing that could make it better in her book would be to have a bus to ride. I took a couple pictures with her backpack before we left the house and I may sneak some more when I pick her up. The pre-school is also where the failed attempt at parent/tot gymnastics is. She will be in gymnastics one afternoon a week, while at school and I think she will be much more ready for it. I just hope she pulls off eating lunch without a huge mess and the nap time. I am so excited for her, but it makes me a little weepy that she is growing up (stupid hormones too).
She has a few friends already attending and more that will start in the fall. I will be back tonight with pictures of my big girl!

Side note - I ended up home yesterday with Owen and pink eye. Just one more reason to not be at work, when I get medically cleared.

Counting my blessings

I am fortunate to have two healthy, happy little ones.
I am blessed in a happy, giving marriage.
I have a super supportive family.
I have a job I love (though occasionally think about leaving).
I have supportive friends, online and in real life.
It is weeks like this that I need to focus on all the positives in my life.
I just had what was supposed to have been a family vacation in Kodiak. It turned into a up close and personal tour of all the medical facilities in Kodiak. I ended up pregnant, while having an IUD inside me to prevent such thing from happening. Imagine my and Matts suprise. We arrived in Kodiak Saturday night and I decided something was wrong enough to go to the ER on sunday. I had never been to an ER before and was dreading the idea of a 5 hour wait to be seen, just to be told I had menstral cramps and to go home. The nurse was actually treating me that way when I first arrived. I was asking to get the IUD removed, thinking my body was rejecting it. The first step was a blood test and low and behold it came back positive.
The next concern was whether it was viable or tubal. We couldn't find the ultrasound tech and planned on that for monday. They did another blood draw to test my HCG hormone numbers, 1800.
Monday I saw a nice family practice doctor and he conferred with my OB and removed the ineffective IUD. My ultasound was for the afternoon and it started out well and then he saw a mass in my left tube. It went downhill from there. We then let all the family in on what was going on. We were there for a family vacation and I had been spending all my time at the doctors and they needed to be let in the loop. It was known that this is a life threatening condition for me and that was the scariest aspect for me. I hadn't then and even still not now morned the loss of the baby that had barely begun. I think that is because I wasn't trying, nor did I even think it was possible to get pg right now. My brain has been focused on me and what I need to do to keep my healthy. I don't want to lose my tube and the potential for a couple more babies in the future.
Tuesday the blood test showed that my HCG had dropped to 900. If it is a viable pregnancy then the number will double every 48 hours. Mine was dropping and that is a good thing, meaning my body is potentially taking care of things on its own. I flew home with Owen Tuesday night. We got weathered in and got a sucky flight time of landing at home at 1:30 am. Owen did great.
I went to my clinic and got another ultrasound and blood draw. My HCG is currently 760 and you can still see something in my left tube. They brought extra people in to see my tube since it is rare to see an ectopic pregnancy. Normally it is caught when the tube explodes and the woman ends up in emergency in the hospital. It really is a life threatening condition and they didn't want me more that an hour from a hospital, in the case that my tube burst. You could bleed to death rather quick from this.
I then went to see my OB and discuss options. I am still in a valium haze, but I ended up with a D&C this afternoon to see if it was potentially a utero pg or in fact a tubal. If it was utero, then good and we keep checking the HCG hormone to make sure it returns to 0. If it wasn't then I will likely get the metrazine (sp) shot. It is essencially a chemo shot, which holds the potential chance of chemo side effects of hair loss, tired, mouth sores.....and we will also keep checking the HCG. Very worse case, they remove the tube.
Soooo...this is a recap of my family vacation to Kodiak. I am still at my parents house with Owen and didn't figure on all this when I stopped by to check on my house. So we are still in the same clothes, blech, showered but feeling stale.
I am glad that I got out and didn't have to ride the ferry back. There is 16 foot swells and 30-50 knot winds. It will be a long ROCKY ferry ride for them. Gwendolyn and grandma took dramamine and Matt has beer but it is a night ride and laying down always makes potential sea sickness much worse.
I am very relieved that I listened to my gut on Sunday and listened that something was wrong. I could have been stuck on a ferry, in the middle of the Ocean in distress. It is the could.have.beens that still have my head spinning.